i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
