It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
