Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
