Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
