I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
