Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
