I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
