Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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