i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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