shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
