when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
