I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
