this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
