please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
