I bet he comes in French.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need a burrito and a hug.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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