Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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