Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
