so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
