Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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