Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
