conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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