Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
