I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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