I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
