when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
