just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
