Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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