watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
