She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
