I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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