Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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