I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We had to coat check the pizza.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
