garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
