you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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