Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
