The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I could fuck to npr.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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