so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
