drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
