so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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