Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
