So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
