dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
