there's paper in my vomit.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
