I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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