He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
