I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
