There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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