Already got asked if we're dating
We need to rekindle our bromance
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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