I don't usually arrange sex via text message
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
