so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
