Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
