bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
