week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
