You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
