i think my mom watched the whole time
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
